Just Another Eccentricity
by k-shee
Summary: Chelsea hides a secret stash of novels in her cabinet, Julia wants to know what BL means and Vaughn is traumatized for life. Crackfic. Disturbing content. Do not corrupt your minds! A fangirl teaches a n00b about yaoi.


Summary: Chelsea hides a secret stash of novels in her cabinet, Julia wants to know what BL means and Vaughn is traumatized for life. Crackfic. Because I'm awesome like that! Disturbing content. Do not corrupt your minds! For those who know what yaoi means, have fun reading about a fangirl teaching a n00b the basics.

_I found a termite nest on the inside of my closet doors, but no termites around. It's freaky. There's dark sand everywhere, even on my clothes! Anyways, I mused about the fact how people freak when they find out I'm a yaoi fangirl 8D If they do. I'm not hiding it, but I'm not proclaiming it (much) either._

_Warning: Cursing. (As a creative writer, I refuse to censor my words! That's your problem.) Talking about squick and what boys can do to other boys. (Again, if you can't swallow, don't put it in your mouth)_

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**Just Another Eccentricity**

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"Sooo…" Julia turned her head to face Vaughn, "Why are we doing this again?" This, pertaining to subjecting the ranch house to spring cleaning and thus forcing the cleaners to come in contact with dreaded dust bunnies and the like.

Vaughn sneezed as a particular cloud of dust rose from where he swiped a rag. "Because Chelsea's pregnant and won't do housework?"

"You mean she's ready to pop and _you_ won't let _her_ do housework." The blond rolled her eyes. "But why do I have to be dragged into this? I don't even live here!"

"Dunno. You tell me."

"Oh, wait. I remember now. The Puppy Eyes™." Julia grumped. "Man, what a traitor. After I taught her that too!"

"For shame, how do you call yourself a doting sister-in-law?" Vaughn rolled his eyes and wiped his brow with the back of his hand. He surveyed the room and nodded to himself. They were making good progress. Now all the mattresses just needed to be vacuumed and the cabinets cleaned. After that, they could apply anti-termite stuff on the wood and Julia could get her whiny self out of his hair.

"I AM!" She insisted. "I just feel that there could be better things that I could do with my time!"

"Like what? Make cow eyes at Suspenders and pretend to work?"

"Hey, don't call Elliot that! He's gonna be your brother-in-law soon, you know?"

"Goddess, don't I know it. You remind me every other minute."

"Oh, please. You sound like you're not even married. Can't you be a little more understanding?"

"Excuse me, Princess." Vaughn made a 'pfft' sound. "I'm sorry for not being perfect."

She waved her hand in what was supposed to be a dignified manner. "You may be excused."

Vaughn snorted when a rag was thrown in his face.

Julia stuck her tongue out like the mature person she was and opened the lowest drawer in the cabinet. "I seriously don't get why mom adopted you. You're such an butthead."

"I'm a good-looking butthead." He answered back hotly, "And it's my hair's fault I'm stuck with you anyhow. Mom's a fan of that Ghost Buglar or what's-his-face. I forget."

"It's Phantom Thief, ya idiot. Phantom Thief Skye. Who knows, he might be your dad or something. Silver hair's pretty rare. You and him are the only ones I know who have them."

"Yuck. Gag me."

"Hey, it could happen! It's a total possibility!"

"That's stupid. I don't care who my parents are anyway. They're probably dead and gone."

"Skye isn't."

"…Julia." Cue Death Glare™.

"Eheheh…but you've got mom. And me! Don't forget me!"

"Can I ever?"

"Don't even—hey, what's this?"

Julia pulled out a little shoe box and set it down on the floor. She uncovered it and dug out a graphic novel, a manga if you will. Only, this particular manga had two very fine man-boys wrapped around each other. In the married way.

"Oh my. Vaughn, what's this?" Julia waved the book in the air and Vaughn sauntered over, blinking. His face went red and eyes widened almost comically when he took the book and flipped through the black and white pages.

"Uh…um…uh…" He picked his jaw from the floor and said the first thing that entered his head. "What. The. Fuck."

Julia picked up another book from small collection and randomly opened it. She gasped. "Ooh, that looks like it hurts."

The cowboy's eye twitched and his mouth opened to retort when Chelsea (as if on cue) suddenly waddled in and arrived on the scene, both of her hands resting atop her swollen belly.

"Hey, Jules. Hey, Honey. _Whatcha_ doin'?"

Vaughn's eye twitched some more as he thrust the book in front of her. Her face immediately brightened.

"Oh, hey! You found my old mangas! I've been looking everywhere for those! Where'd you find them?"

"In the bottom of the cabinet," Julia helpfully piped up.

"Oh. Well, that figures as I can't actually bend down right now," Chelsea told them sincerely. After a very long moment of crickets and silence, she blinked. "…What?"

Vaughn stabbed a finger at one of the books. "How long have you had these?"

"Um…I dunno. A while?"

"It's sick."

His wife gasped in horror and clutched her graphic novel to her chest. "It is not! It's beautiful! It's love! It's beautiful men in love!"

He gnashed his teeth. "It's sodomy. Sin. And it's gross."

"Are you saying love is a sin?" Chelsea began to sniff and switch moods as pregnant women were wont to do. "Are you saying _our_ love is a sin? Don't you love me at all, Vaughn? I thought you accepted me for who I am!"

Julia meanwhile, took a seat at the yet-to-be-cleaned floor and started flipping through the first manga she picked from the box. She wasn't interested in a pseudo-fight between the couple. She recognized acting when she saw it. Vaughn often fell for them, fortunately or not. It was one of the things that kept him wrapped around Chelsea's pinky finger.

"No, no, don't cry, Honey. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry."

The blond had to swallow down her snickers as her adopted brother started wrapping his arms around Chelsea, rubbing her back and mumbling soothing apologies. Chelsea winked conspiratorially at Julia from his circle arms.

"So, um, Sister-in-law. What's the big deal with all the books?" Julia asked some time later after Chelsea calmed down a bit. The act wasn't all pretend, and Chelsea really _was _a little hurt at how Vaughn had reacted so negatively.

"I like it. What else is there to say?"

"But as Vaughniekins helpfully pointed out, they're both guys."

"So?"

"Isn't…uh, going the back door really painful? I mean, it IS a tiny hole."

"There's such a thing called stretching. Ooh, I have to show you this one! It's where Ty and Audi do it for the first time. See how Ty stretches him first with his fingers? But before that, you have to use lube too. If there isn't any handy, there's always spit."

Needless to say, Vaughn was very, very disturbed about how casually his wife talked about gay guy sex.

"Which leads us to the next topic called rimming. It's tongue-action, if you know what I mean."

"Where? You mean…oh! _There_? Isn't that dirty?"

"It's a manga. Anything's possible. And it's kinda hot, actually."

"Hm…you know, I'm seeing the appeal. It's forbidden love, after all. And hot men, don't forget the hot men! Forbidden fruit doth taste sweetest."

"Exactly! Now, the genre BL means Boys Love, or yaoi. Yaoi is the type of story that simply involves sex and no plot whatsoever. Shonen-ai is the softer version of it, focusing more on the romance and plot but still has a hint of smut in it."

"Wow."

"Yep. So, after preparation or foreplay, whatever you want to call it, that's where the real deal starts."

"So they start fucking?" Julia asked bluntly.

"Yes."

"And…won't that hurt?"

"Hurts like a bitch," Chelsea confessed. "But then again, guys have what they call prostates. It's a little spot in them that makes everything start to feel good if you hit it right. The pleasure of sex gradually overrides any feelings of pain. This book will explain how it's done." Chelsea handed Julia a manga entitled "A Visit to Dr. Love"

"_Oh…_"

"So the 'seme' is the fucker and the 'uke' is the one being fucked. You following me, Jules?"

The blond looked up from her notepad and nodded. "Yup."

Vaughn carefully snuck out of the house to 'see what the cows were up to'. He would gradually come to accept Chelsea being a fangirl simply as one of her many eccentricities. It was Chelsea, after all, and that explained everything. But for the rest of their married lives, he would studiously ignore the little books placed in the bottommost part of their cabinet.

Julia, meanwhile, was thoroughly corrupted. She never saw two guys within four feet of each other without thinking naughty thoughts.

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_Okay, that was REALLY fun to write. I can't stop grinning! Notes:_

_1. I made Vaughn and Julia adopted siblings because I thought it'd be funny if Mirabelle was a Skye fangirl and took him in 'cause of his hair. I sure as hell am! You know, since Jill/Pony has purplish eyes, I wonder if Vaughn was somehow their kid. Illegitimate, and Mirabelle adopted him. Lol, that'd be funny_

_2. "Excuse me, Princess" was one of THE Legend of Zelda (the TV show) lines. There's a video on youtube somewhere which collected all of the moments Link says them. It's long. Really, really long. Like, two minutes long._

_3. Carey (may she rest in peace) used to call Elliot Larry King. Then she realized he wasn't cool enough and just plain called him Suspenders._

_4. "You may be excused." From a Disney movie called 'Princess Protection Program'. Man, I am so lame._

_6. "Whatcha doin'?" Phineas and Ferb. Who doesn't know Phineas and Ferb?_

_7. "It's sodomy. Sin." Sometimes, it just gets me thinking. Is love really a sin? I've read up on homosexuality and it seems that early natives saw nothing wrong with it, hell, they even openly practiced it in some cultures. And then the Catholics came and, well. Got grossed out you could say. To the point that they hanged people. Thankfully, times are changing. I hate the stigma they place on gay people. Being attracted to a specific gender is not wrong. It's like a girl being attracted to boys but it doesn't make her a slut, does it? She just has a preference. I mean, you just won't randomly get it on with somebody who just happens to fall under your inclination, right? I mean, I like boys with dark hair but I won't throw myself to the first one I meet. Get me?_

_8. "Hurts like a bitch." I'd imagine with Chels being a married woman and all, she would have experimented :D Oh, by the way, I didn't put a number five._

_9. And now you've looked back. LoL. Sorry, I'll stop messing with you now XD By the way, does anyone else know a silver-haired HM guy?_


End file.
